The Reality of Doing Blog

Off topic.
February 18, 2009, 10:12 am
Filed under: Posts | Tags: , ,

This post is going to be off topic from my current series on Twitter. But, as I’ve learned in my acting – I have to be willing to acknowledge what is really happening in the moment before I can move on. No truthful or beneficial outcome can come from a denial of what is.

And what IS for me right now is a sense of overload. I came on this trip to Las Vegas with the hopes of resting and recouping from my crazy schedule. And what it has shown me, is that the life I have been creating for myself looks a lot like Vegas at 1:00 AM.

The City of Las Vegas is in a constant state of motion. There is always something going on to catch my attention and draw me in. My goal may simply be to walk down to MGM to catch a show, but on the way I will be bombarded with LED screens, honking traffic, dancing water fountains, drunk pedestrians, flyers for hookers and thousands of other distractions.

My point is, there is little stillness in Las Vegas.

And for the last six weeks there has been little stillness in me. I’ve not been sleeping much. From working three part-time jobs, shooting a web series and two short films, casting director workshops four nights a week, to starting this blog and diving into the world of social media – I’m spreading myself pretty thin, And for what?

I am an actor. That is first and foremost the reason that I am living in Los Angeles. If there was anything else in the world that I could do with any sense of the excitement and fulfillment that I get from acting – then I would do it. But I can’t. I want this career to happen. But in that valid pursuit, I am trying to be everyting to everyone. I’m spreading myself so thin that not one area of my life is getting 100% full attention.

I’ve misplaced a sense of stillness and presence in my life. I’m choosing to believe that if I work harder or do more, then that will somehow make this all happen sooner. But in choosing to maintain that belief, I am preventing myself from being truly present, here, now.

My acting is better when I’m present – what makes me think my life will be otherwise? So today I am renewing my commitment to finding that place of inner stillness, peace and balance in my life. Just as I have to find balance and limits so that I don’t drop $200 in a round of blackjack – I have to find balance to keep me from overload and not being truly effective in living my dreams.

Thanks for indulging me in this little rant, and I’ll post the second part of the series on Twitter tomorrow. In the meantime, remember..

We’re all in this together, and there’s always room at the table.


BTW: I now have a completely new emotional connection to the phrase: “It’s a crap shoot.” Can’t wait to put that one to use in my acting.